Who IS Derema Phoenixia?


I’m going to be flat out honest with you all here I have several personae one of them is my legal personality she uses my legal name (and no, I don’t want to tell you that name :p) yes, but she isn’t very much of a person. She gets the legal stuff done and is out in a flash. One can call here a rather mundane person all in all. There are a few people that know her as a family member. The one to go to for advice- “How do you fix____?” “What do you do if____?” “How do I____?” and so on. She is more or less straight-laced with only a small hint of Derema herself. She’s the one that the blood family knows the best but she isn’t who I care to be for the most part.

Then there’s the author in me that’s too shy to come completely out. Very few people really know her and that’s how she likes it. She will never be completely Derema for Derema’s far more open in most areas. Yes, Derema also writes and is getting better abut just letting everything just become whatever it is but this person is the shy one who if ever learned to open up and let herself go she may even become unstoppable but she’s not Derema though she’s closer to Derema than the legal personality.

Then there’s Deréma Phoenixia there’s a lot more to her than my other “alter-egos” She is the closest to being me that I know of. She is the one that shows the most when I’m comfortable. My best friends and mates know who she is the best. A lot of you people who know me on-line knows Derema or a least a part of her. She’s usually open, fun-loving, a bit hyper, completely crazy and does all she can to be herself.

So how did Derema come to be me? Well, first I should give you a bit of a background as to how she came to be. A lot of people ask me about this when they learn about my legal name or learn about Derema for that matter. It was the turn of the century… Really, it was just after 2000… lol The name has been with me for more than ten years. I was still in high school (Oh no, I’m dating myself ;p). At that time I was going through a lot of changes like most teens do. I was done being a thing more than a person. I hated myself and knew that I needed to change. So I planned on changing my whole life. My friends, my habits even my religion. Some of these things took more time than others but this was the turning point in my life- the birth of Derema if you will.

How the name Deréma Phoenixia came to be? This is a bit of a long story but here goes nothing… (Sorry if this is a bit dilute and mixed up. It’s been a while sense I tried to recall this.) There was this nerdy little girl who’s name will remain untold. That I had became friends with a long while before but had just been reunited with after several years. This girl was undoubtedly the strangest person I’d ever met but I was strangely attracted to her. Maybe it was because of how strange she was that I found that attraction to her Whatever the cause it’s really not matter we became close friends and that was an odd feeling for me. For I never bothered with being close to anyone. I thought they were all the same abusive creatures that my mother and stepfather were so I didn’t bother with being close to anyone but she wasn’t like that at all.

What does this have to do with how I got the name? Well, she was the one who came up with the name at first. It was my “alien name” if you will. After all she thought she wasn’t from Earth and was in fact some sort of alien heir to a galaxy and if I liked her that meant I was the same as her so I was dubbed “Derema Phoenixia” by the “Alien Princess.” I can’t remember exactly how the “Derema” past came about but I remember thinking that it reminded me a bit of the word “dream” so I liked it. As for “Phoenixia” it was a corruption of the word “Phoenix” for this “Princess” saw the Great Phoenix in me as if it was my totem. Little did she know that I already had seen the phoenix in me for I was indeed trying to burn my old live away and trying to recreate a new life out of what there was left.

Not long after I received my name I decided to make it my on-line name. I figured if I grew out of it I could always change the name but that didn’t turn out to be the case. Over time I started introduce myself a Derema outside of the interwebs.

Derema began to stray from the old me just as I had hoped for. Suddenly more and more people knew me as Derema not my legal name and I like it! There was one issue my blood-kin had no clue of Derema and I began to realize hat I was happy with this fact. If all they did to me was degrade the me they did know what would the do to a new me? I didn’t want them to even have the chance to try to hurt the new born part of me. So I kept her from them and everyone who knew me as Derema I kept mostly away from my blood-kin. Soon I had two “families” my blood-kin and my friends that knew who I really was.

A lot of people who knew me on-line started to ask me how Derema was pronounced. Time and time again I tried to tell them it’s de-ray-ma but it never stuck. Finally I started to use the French ‘é’ for the second ‘e’ but most people still didn’t get it but I liked that spelling better anyway.

Over time I told a few people what my legal name was and the most popular questions they had were: “How did you come up with the name ‘Derema?’” and “What does it mean?” So what does my name mean? At one point I started tell people that “Deréma” was kind of a corruption of word “dream” and “Phoenixia” was a corruption of the word “phoenix” and it’s been that way ever since.

But who IS Deréma Phoenixia? As you can see her history is long and she’s directly tied to my legal past but Deréma Phoenixia is her own person with her own life.

Ahh the dream phoenix as she’s come to call herself lately. The phoenix is one of the most amazing creatures to me. Much like how Derema came to be the phoenix burns itself and out of the ashes is reborn to become something more- something better.

Derema once was herself as just a crazy cat-girl/boy/boi… err cat-person I guess is the best way to put it. With a phoenix as her totem animal. That is like the native Americans use totem animals. Now she’s something a bit more it seems. But what is a bit unknown as of yet. Perhaps she’ll show herself more as her totem or maybe a cross between her cat self and her phoenix self. These details will come in time though.

Her main family is Fal, a crazy cat-girl who Derema happens to love very deeply. Meta, a chaotic bird thing who’s equally loved just as crazy but in very different ways. Hoshi, the cat no, she really IS a cat not just a fleshy thing trying to add fur. Bob, the ferret- again a “REAL” ferret but he’s quite old so he doesn’t have a lot a fur left. Last but not least there’s Margarita, a green-cheeked conure. These are the people that’s been with Derema through thick and thin despite all the crap that’s happened. These people are more that just blood they are true family.

She’s been though a lot but is a strong, caring, fun-loving spirit who never what’s to grow up completely but can be very serious when she needs to be. She’s willing to give anyone a hug but if anyone other that the ones she chooses try to take it further they’re likely to get their face clawed off.

With that said I think that’s about all I have for now. Geez this is a lot longer that I thought it would and I think that’s a good thing.

~Derema~

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Productivity


Over the last month or so I have been feeling quite unproductive so I decided to try something new and get myself some Ginseng. I took one yesterday and I noticed the effects within a couple hours of taking it. This may be the placebo effect but so far so good. Today I took two (a whole dose) and I’m feeling a lot more focused and productive. I felt a lot like this when I first started taking my Gingko before all the medical crap that caused me to have to stop taking it for a while. I hope this keeps working this time I’m really enjoying the focus factor.

I have been working a lot on my art lately. Partly posting new photos partly networking and also adding lot more new things to my favorites. This has been a huge help to me for I quite enjoy talking to other people. Truth be told I haven’t been feeling very social for quite some time and that’s not a good state of mind for me to be in.

Well that’s bout it for now. Now I want to get to work on writing. This is technically part of the same project but a totally different story so it like starting over form scratch. :p

See ya (hopefully sooner than later),

~Derema~

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Just A Ramble


Again I have a lot on my mind today. Including this:

Kid: “Hey, Mom I’m going to Sacramento for the day.”
Mother: “That’s nice dear but why do you want to go there?”
Kid: “It’ll be cool to go to a seaport even if I won’t be seeing the ocean.”
Mother: “Sacramento isn’t a seaport it’s not even close to the ocean.”
Kid: “Yes it is. Just look at how big the rivers are there.”
Mother: “Big rivers don’t make a place a seaport.”
Kid: “It does when ships can sail into the city. That and the sometimes there are sharks and whales. Common, Mom, it’s got whales!”

Caption: Sacramento is a seaport because it has whales???

This is loosely based on a conversation I had with my mom because she honestly thinks that Sacramento isn’t a seaport because it so far inland. I was going through this with Fal one morning and decided to see what would happen if I exaggerated it a bit. I think I want to work on this a bit a see if I can make it better or even draw it out. Who knows, it just may be a one shot thing that nothing comes of it.

In other news I have dinner with my family last night. That was crazy. More crazy than usual because Mom now lives in a small house that technically doesn’t fix as many people as there was last night. All in all it went well though. When I got home I ached so bad. This made me realize that I need to be more active.

Life has been life lately. I’ve been rather up and down and for some reason I keep getting stuck with my writing and thin makes me not want to write much at all. I really want to break out of patterns life this.

I did, however, get a lot of research done on the move that we plan to make next year. So far so good and it won’t cost as much as I thought it would to make the move. We will need to have a place to stay still ‘t be much more costly than it is here if any.

I don’t think I have much more to say so that’s about it for my ramblings for now.

~Derema~

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Interesting…


Hrmm there are two things that have caught my eye while looking at my stats. First this is my 200th post. This to me is awesome! It means that I am indeed using this thing. Woot! The other thing that I noticed the is that I now have more than 50 people that follow this blog. This is great because it seems that I seem to be at least somewhat interesting to someone out there. Thank you all for helping me keep this up.

In other news it’s apparently wrong to express ones point of view but then again that has always been opinion of those that would rather suppress than actually look at the facts. This time it’s about the feminist movements. Now this may come to some of you as a bit of a surprise but I’m NOT a feminist. Being a woman I have been told by some women that this is a total disrespect to all my “sisters” because I’m giving up my rights to the men. Feh, I may not be for this group but I’m not against them either.

I am, however, against suppression of any sort I believe that there needs to be equal rights for everyone. I don’t believe in stepping on the rights of others just for one group to get theirs. I refuse to support people who think that receiving rights means that they can call all the shots. This goes for any group be it the feminists, the NAACP or any other group that fights for equal rights. I’m not saying that I’m against these groups. I just don’t like people using them in their fight to suppress others. If I’m a bigot for these thoughts that fine but don’t go crying to me when your rights are taken from you just because you don’t fit in to the “norm.”

~Derema~

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Filed under The One Year Challenge Take Two

Weekly Goals: Week 6


A new week and new goals. This week will be better. No more random crashes please.

1) Write every day and write at least one hour five times this week – Again I want to try this. My ultimate goal is to write at least an hour every day but I want to try this and see if it works before biting off more than I can chew.
2) Look at the cost of living outside of Nevada – It seems that I may have been trying to do too much with no focus when it came to looking into moving elsewhere so let’s try one thing at a time, ne?
3) Look into ways to make a bit more cash – This is for many reasons but I have an idea in my head that will take a bit of cash but should bode well for me and Fal (that is if she want’s to do this with me). I’m thinking on trying to get a donation pool going to fund my cause. I think that this goal is more of a long-term goal but looking into what is needed can be the start of things.
4) Keep up on my long-term goals – I have quite a few goals that I want to keep up with such as walking, cooking in, gaming less and so on. I’m no going to put each one of them on this list it will just get redundant so I’ll leave it as is.

I’m thinking that this is it for the time being. I get the feeling that this week is going to go more smoothly. I must break out of this funk before it becomes any more of a habit.

See ya,

~Derema~

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Weekly Goals: Week 5 Check-In


Ugh, this last week wasn’t exactly the best week. A lot of crap happened but it wasn’t all lost so here’s how it went…

1)Write every day.
I didn’t get this one done at all but I did write a lot when I did write. I want to try this one again because this last week wasn’t s good week to try this sort of thing. This may be a bit a an excuse but it’s hard to keep focused when your inner demons are on the loose. I had a bit too much stress to write much without bitching about that same things time and time again. It’s not a good thing but I tend to close up whenever I’m stressed/ depressed.

2) Start more actively working on a way to get things on track for moving out by the end of the year.
Again I wasn’t too good with doing this. Try again.

3) Walk at least 3 times this next week.
I did this but I want to keep this one up.

4) Cook at least twice this week.
Woot I did this one and it was fun. I want to keep this one up because it seems that it helps us all.

Looking back on this week It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I did get things done despite all the stress but this week I want to do better.

~Derema~

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OCD And Cream-Filled Hotdogs (NOW the title fits… LOL)


A note on he title: The other day Meta, Fal Nikki and I were talking about how our OCD tendencies and somehow we got to talking about the most random things. At one point we got to talking about cream-filled because it was one of those things messed with Fal’s OCD but I don’t think it hurt anything. She seemed just fine about it. Either that or she ignored it all together. Anyway that’s my explanation…lol

Why am I so damn easy to distract today? Every little thing keeps taking my attention away from anything I’m trying to do and it been this way ALL day. The funny thing is that I have gotten quite a bit done despite this state of mind. I got a bit of my music resorted (damn that crashed HD), I watch a bit of “TV,” I wrote some…

And now Meta said something about going to catch a cup on fire…brb

Yeah I’m THAT bad today. Anyway back to what I was saying…

I got some writing done and I took a walk.

What IS this mood anyway? I’m not in a bad mood or anything but I have had some nasty little OCD flare-ups today and I don’t really know why. Also I’m feeling a bit lost as to exactly what I’m doing or where I’m going especially when it comes to the whole move thing. I need to now where everyone stands on this move so I can get my shit together. Right now it seems like everyone is back and forth as to where they want to go or if their and when. WTF will someone make up their mind or do I have to go at this alone? There will come a point in time where I will need to know where and when we plan to go or I’ll have to make my own plans. I need to know these things so that I know what to expect and how much I need to save up and how much time I have to do so.

Ugh there’s the phone…

Ahh that was Sarah I guess it was a good thing that she called because I don’t need to go on and on with things that I can’t completely control. I Know I have at least until the end of the year so I’ll plan on that being the deadline and as of now I’ll plan on the most expensive idea we have that way I might be pleasantly surprised if it’s less costly.

Perhaps it things like this that get me so easily distracted. I try not to think too much about these things because all it does is stress me but in way it’s better than the alternative such as the tings that really get my OCD going. Yeah… let’s not go there I have already had enough of that for this week. Especially in light of Fal going to the hospital on Monday and all the conversation surrounding that situation. Yes, she’s fine but it really messed with me a many levels and it also messed with Meta too. He’s part of the reason why my OCD has been a bit bad these last few days but that’s not to say that he at fault or that I’m mad at him. Things like this just happen and if I don’t try to get them off my chest that’s when I get really pissy

Sheesh I guess I have a lot on my mind. This is the reason why I try to write every day. I keeps things like this from building up within me. I don’t need to force myself to write either I just do it naturally. As a matter of fact I’ve noticed that I write more when I’m not trying to force myself to do it.

And now Meta’s driving me nuts with his straw. I think I’m done with this for now. I may be back later or I may write more tomorrow.

Take care and watch out for those hotdogs!

~Derema~

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