I’m going to be flat out honest with you all here I have several personae one of them is my legal personality she uses my legal name (and no, I don’t want to tell you that name :p) yes, but she isn’t very much of a person. She gets the legal stuff done and is out in a flash. One can call here a rather mundane person all in all. There are a few people that know her as a family member. The one to go to for advice- “How do you fix____?” “What do you do if____?” “How do I____?” and so on. She is more or less straight-laced with only a small hint of Derema herself. She’s the one that the blood family knows the best but she isn’t who I care to be for the most part.
Then there’s the author in me that’s too shy to come completely out. Very few people really know her and that’s how she likes it. She will never be completely Derema for Derema’s far more open in most areas. Yes, Derema also writes and is getting better abut just letting everything just become whatever it is but this person is the shy one who if ever learned to open up and let herself go she may even become unstoppable but she’s not Derema though she’s closer to Derema than the legal personality.
Then there’s Deréma Phoenixia there’s a lot more to her than my other “alter-egos” She is the closest to being me that I know of. She is the one that shows the most when I’m comfortable. My best friends and mates know who she is the best. A lot of you people who know me on-line knows Derema or a least a part of her. She’s usually open, fun-loving, a bit hyper, completely crazy and does all she can to be herself.
So how did Derema come to be me? Well, first I should give you a bit of a background as to how she came to be. A lot of people ask me about this when they learn about my legal name or learn about Derema for that matter. It was the turn of the century… Really, it was just after 2000… lol The name has been with me for more than ten years. I was still in high school (Oh no, I’m dating myself ;p). At that time I was going through a lot of changes like most teens do. I was done being a thing more than a person. I hated myself and knew that I needed to change. So I planned on changing my whole life. My friends, my habits even my religion. Some of these things took more time than others but this was the turning point in my life- the birth of Derema if you will.
How the name Deréma Phoenixia came to be? This is a bit of a long story but here goes nothing… (Sorry if this is a bit dilute and mixed up. It’s been a while sense I tried to recall this.) There was this nerdy little girl who’s name will remain untold. That I had became friends with a long while before but had just been reunited with after several years. This girl was undoubtedly the strangest person I’d ever met but I was strangely attracted to her. Maybe it was because of how strange she was that I found that attraction to her Whatever the cause it’s really not matter we became close friends and that was an odd feeling for me. For I never bothered with being close to anyone. I thought they were all the same abusive creatures that my mother and stepfather were so I didn’t bother with being close to anyone but she wasn’t like that at all.
What does this have to do with how I got the name? Well, she was the one who came up with the name at first. It was my “alien name” if you will. After all she thought she wasn’t from Earth and was in fact some sort of alien heir to a galaxy and if I liked her that meant I was the same as her so I was dubbed “Derema Phoenixia” by the “Alien Princess.” I can’t remember exactly how the “Derema” past came about but I remember thinking that it reminded me a bit of the word “dream” so I liked it. As for “Phoenixia” it was a corruption of the word “Phoenix” for this “Princess” saw the Great Phoenix in me as if it was my totem. Little did she know that I already had seen the phoenix in me for I was indeed trying to burn my old live away and trying to recreate a new life out of what there was left.
Not long after I received my name I decided to make it my on-line name. I figured if I grew out of it I could always change the name but that didn’t turn out to be the case. Over time I started introduce myself a Derema outside of the interwebs.
Derema began to stray from the old me just as I had hoped for. Suddenly more and more people knew me as Derema not my legal name and I like it! There was one issue my blood-kin had no clue of Derema and I began to realize hat I was happy with this fact. If all they did to me was degrade the me they did know what would the do to a new me? I didn’t want them to even have the chance to try to hurt the new born part of me. So I kept her from them and everyone who knew me as Derema I kept mostly away from my blood-kin. Soon I had two “families” my blood-kin and my friends that knew who I really was.
A lot of people who knew me on-line started to ask me how Derema was pronounced. Time and time again I tried to tell them it’s de-ray-ma but it never stuck. Finally I started to use the French ‘é’ for the second ‘e’ but most people still didn’t get it but I liked that spelling better anyway.
Over time I told a few people what my legal name was and the most popular questions they had were: “How did you come up with the name ‘Derema?’” and “What does it mean?” So what does my name mean? At one point I started tell people that “Deréma” was kind of a corruption of word “dream” and “Phoenixia” was a corruption of the word “phoenix” and it’s been that way ever since.
But who IS Deréma Phoenixia? As you can see her history is long and she’s directly tied to my legal past but Deréma Phoenixia is her own person with her own life.
Ahh the dream phoenix as she’s come to call herself lately. The phoenix is one of the most amazing creatures to me. Much like how Derema came to be the phoenix burns itself and out of the ashes is reborn to become something more- something better.
Derema once was herself as just a crazy cat-girl/boy/boi… err cat-person I guess is the best way to put it. With a phoenix as her totem animal. That is like the native Americans use totem animals. Now she’s something a bit more it seems. But what is a bit unknown as of yet. Perhaps she’ll show herself more as her totem or maybe a cross between her cat self and her phoenix self. These details will come in time though.
Her main family is Fal, a crazy cat-girl who Derema happens to love very deeply. Meta, a chaotic bird thing who’s equally loved just as crazy but in very different ways. Hoshi, the cat no, she really IS a cat not just a fleshy thing trying to add fur. Bob, the ferret- again a “REAL” ferret but he’s quite old so he doesn’t have a lot a fur left. Last but not least there’s Margarita, a green-cheeked conure. These are the people that’s been with Derema through thick and thin despite all the crap that’s happened. These people are more that just blood they are true family.
She’s been though a lot but is a strong, caring, fun-loving spirit who never what’s to grow up completely but can be very serious when she needs to be. She’s willing to give anyone a hug but if anyone other that the ones she chooses try to take it further they’re likely to get their face clawed off.
With that said I think that’s about all I have for now. Geez this is a lot longer that I thought it would and I think that’s a good thing.