I am quite curious by nature. I ponder things like life and why people are the way they are. I commit taboos such as asking others about their religion and questioning why they believe the way they do. Not out of malice but out of an interest. I want to know why and what and how. Why does this happen? What does this do? How does it work? My inner child never “grew up.” I never learned to except phrases like “it just is.” And guess what I’m happy about this. It keeps my young and helps my to cope with my own deficiencies.
Today I have been pondering a lot. I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions such as: What am I trying to accomplish? How am I going to get to where I want to be? How do I get out of this rut I have found myself in? How long have I actually been in this rut? You know what I’ve found while asking myself these question? I found that one of my biggest frustrations is the fact that I feel stuck and when I feel stuck I tend to retreat inwards. I forget to let others in to my life and I forget to reach out becoming even more stuck.
I think part of my issue is the fact that I really have nothing to do in this town now that Dennis has passed. You see, I used to dedicate a lot of my time and effort to helping him. I may have gotten frustrated at him form time to time but all in all I liked helping him. It gave my a sense of belonging but now that’s gone and there’s really nothing in this town left for me.
So why am I still here more than six months later? There’s a simple answer to this money. That’s no excuse I can find a way to make more money and get out of here so long as I make the right connections and work hard for my goal.
Time has come to wake up and work on getting out of here more actively. I have until the end of the year to find out what I’m really doing and how to get out of here. I don’t want to sign yet another lease at this place. (This has nothing to do with the place as it is.) I know that’s enough time.
One of my goals is to write and publish a book and another goal is to travel more. So let’s kill two birds with one stone. I have an idea that is partly Fal’s that involves traveling interstate highways writing restaurant reviews. Why not try this one? I want to do this and if Fal wants to work on this with me too that she is more that welcome to but she must keep in mind that she may need to quit here day job and that may not be ideal for her for the time being. Either that or her boss is a lot more kind than I’d be. Fal, I’m not trying to discourage you here I’m just letting you know what I think may happen if you decide to come with me.
Now the question is should this be published as a blog or just a book? Also should it be self published and should I/we go through a publisher? Another things is how do I/we go about raising the money to get this accomplished? Ahh there are a great many of things that needs to be thought of.
As for the rest of the day it went smoothly. I think it time to do some research so I of of here for now
See ya,
~Derema~
The Ramblings of Derema Phoenixia 